Why

In journalism, I learned stories must always answer
who did what, where, when, how, and why.

But I always get stuck on the why.

Why did you leave?

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Puzzles and Houses

Relationships are like putting together a puzzle. You are building something you hope will come together and be amazing. You are so intent on fitting the pieces together but you have no idea what the bigger picture is supposed to look like. You don’t know what you are going to get after all your hard work. You are stuck on the smaller details. Sometimes you get it wrong and you have to turn and twist the pieces to get it right. Sometimes smashing them together even when the fit isn’t quite right. Sometimes you are missing pieces entirely and you do not realize it until everything else is in place and you are too far along.

Or

Maybe relationships are like an, old decrepit house. They begin with a small roof leak, then the toilet breaks down, and then the kitchen stove goes. You focus on these annoying, but fixable problems only to find out when you are done, that the whole house has crumbled to the ground. There was no foundation. You never had a home.

I didn’t know about the missing pieces. I didn’t know. I didn’t know. I didn’t know.

Your Past (Song Lyrics)

You sit there talking about
how you want something else
and I nod and agree
as if I don’t know what you really mean

It’s times like these, I remember, I am severed
right down the middle of my heart
And sometimes I bleed, until I don’t recognize me
And it’s scary to think
You don’t really care

How can I be here
When I am still way back there
Lost in a dying crowd
Get me out! Get me out!

And I’m beggin, beggin you please
Don’t leave me in your past
Choke down your words that won’t let me last

I’m beggin, beggin you please
Don’t leave me here alone
I have a lot goin’, but without you I’m broken

Just kill me now, before it gets harder somehow
I’m barely breathing when I get to thinking
and I need a way out.

I know it’s my choice to remain by this grave
it’s become a haven, for the changing, that is comin’
so here I stay. I’m dying anyway.

But I see a future and it’s lighting up for someone else
and it’s hard to tell
if I belong

I’m beggin, beggin you please
Don’t leave me in the past
Choke down your words that won’t let me last

I’m beggin, beggin you please
Don’t leave me here alone
I’ve got a lot goin’, but without you I’m broken

And it’s hard to describe the trouble I have staying alive
I am stuck in my fear
It straggles and holds
Before I can stop it from closing my throat

You have my heart in pieces
Go ahead and keep it
I don’t need it anymore
Where I am going, I’m sure

I’m beggin, beggin you please
Don’t leave me in the past
choke down your words that won’t let me last

I’m beggin, beggin you please
Don’t leave me here alone
I have a lot goin’, but without you I’m broken