Scraps of Stuff (Part 2)

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Words

I scour your words,
until they hurt,
I undisguise,
your lies.

Taking Stock

It’s time,
I take stock,
of this life of mine.

Have I taken more than what I’ve put in?
If there is a fight, would my goodness win?

I’ve lied, I’ve cheated, I’ve crossed so many lines,
I’ve hurt people I love,
and I don’t know if I’ve done enough to make it up.

I sold my life short,
sitting out,
regretting now,
how I didn’t always take my turn,
there’s so much more I could’ve learned.

I’ve made so many mistakes,
even when I knew the stakes.

I didn’t always act my best,
wedging my bets against the rest,
for my own glory,
feeling poorly.
I acted unkind,
I broke hearts,
just to save mine,
I wasted so much time,
on the wrong side.

But maybe loving you is my saving grace,
my chance at the better place,
pure and pristine,
it washes me clean.

Patience

Sometimes, I feel like my body,
is unfolding unto itself,
until all that is left,
is peeled skin,
wearing thin.

Pain

My pain is wearing thin,
leaving space for you to come back in.

Ponderings

So even though I haven’t posted in awhile, I have been jotting down some things on my phone to post later. So here is a jumble of random, unfinished ponderings I may or may not revisit later. Honestly, weird stuff just pops into my head sometimes, but just plopping it all down here.

Your doubts,
build a tower,
over your thoughts,
maybe it’s better to build a box.

Don’t stop here,
My weary dear.
Hang hope on who you want to be.
Your strength will keep.

Take the leap.
Take the leap.


Kill your darlings and the cats,
Throw the baby with the bath,
stretch, stretch the facts.


We are getting older,
we are getting wiser,
maybe we know better,
maybe you regret her.

I still love you laying here in the dark,
but I am waiting, I am waiting,
for that spark.


Hope is a rope,
I tie around my neck,
just for the heck of it.


I am getting older,
but I still don’t know a thing,
I’ve lived my biggest dreams,
but I always pull at the seams,
until it all falls apart on me.
I cannot seem to find serenity.


The leaves shaking, waving,
like rain coming down in sheets,
the space of serenity,
you and me between the trees.


There is no one around,
in this ghost town,
and it’s a lonely place to be,
with just my thoughts and me.

 

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Make-A-Wish Trailblaze Challenge

It’s been awhile since I posted! Eek! For the past couple of months, I have been writing and editing a mega 400-page health care policy manual and it has left me depleted. I have also been training for the Make-A-Wish Trailblaze Challenge during my free time.

The Make-A-Wish Trailblaze Challenge is a one-day endurance event on September 15th that gives participants the opportunity to hike a 26.6 mile journey along the terrain of the Catoctin Trail in northern Maryland. Participants challenge themselves physically while raising much needed funds to grant the wishes of children with critical illnesses in the Mid-Atlantic region. The photos in this blog entry are of the Catoctin Mountains and of me doing a training hike with my dog.

I joined this hiking/fundraising event to help make dreams come true for those who deserve it most. Anyone who know me in real life know I am a total dreamer. I am always scheming up new goals to go after and achieve. I really want to be able to support others who have big dreams too.

If you want to support this important cause too, consider donating at http://www.kintera.org/i.asp?id=1178616-453313789.

Although I haven’t been posting much here, I have been writing offline and have lots of writing ideas so will be posting soon once I have more time!

Sunflowers (Lyrics)

Last weekend, I planted sunflowers in my garden! They are by far my favorite flower so I am excited to see how they do. In honor of them, I am posting song lyrics I wrote about sunflowers. The photo for this blog entry is a picture I took myself during my Camino de Santiago hike in Spain. I passed an amazing sunflower field between the Sarria to Portomarin stretch.

Sunflowers

All I wanted were sunflowers to wake up to.
Yellow the color of happiness
and the way I felt about you.
You took that for being a fool.
And instead, you walked away.
Left me in the dark afraid.
I was ready to cry, ready to fight, ready to give up inside.
But instead, I lied, I lied, I lied and said baby, it’s alright.

I thought happiness had to come at a cost.
To gain, you had to take one hell of a loss.
So I took the pain like a martyr.
I suffered to love you.

I would have spent a lifetime.
Right by your side.
But you kept on moving out of my sight.
And I was too nice to let go.
But now I know,
Two lovers can grow apart,
Wild and free
And there is beauty in the truth that you don’t love  me.

I thought happiness had to come at a cost.
To gain, you had to take one hell of a loss.
So I took the pain like a martyr.
I suffered to love you.

All I wanted were sunflowers to wake up to.
Yellow the color of happiness
and the way I felt about you.
To light up our dark and lonely rooms.
But you refused, refused, refused
Eager to see me lose
The smile across my face
Keeping us trapped in this dying, unhappy place.
But I found a way to fight, I found a way to hide
all that I ever wanted
I left it  behind.

I thought happiness had to come at a cost.
To gain, you had to take one hell of a loss.
So I took the pain like a martyr.
I suffered to love you.
All I ever wanted were sunflowers to wake up to.
Yellow the color of happiness
and the way I felt about you.

But all I ever wanted,
I suffered to leave it behind.

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Like Elastic

I really need to get back into the swing of posting regularly! I have been writing, just offline. I am working on a poem series, mostly in my mind but slowly forming into something more tangible. For now, posting an older poem.

Like Elastic

Like an elastic band,
your words tighten around me,
leaving an imprint,
long after I have unwrapped myself
from you.

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I Thought (Poem) and a Typewriter!

This little poem got stuck in my head so writing it down here.

I Thought

I thought I saw you through the window,
your face up against the glass,
blurry, with the rain as your mask.

I thought I heard you in the other room,
shouting, “Coming soon!”
I thought I smelled your oceanic perfume,
the one you wore to make me swoon.

I thought I tasted your kiss,
soft, like the morning mist,
and a long sigh.

I thought for a moment you stayed alive,
that someone still existed in this world I could call mine.

Now, I am pleased to share this beauty. A refurbished 1938 Underwood Champion! Took some time to find a functional one within my price point! I hope to fiddle with it this weekend and maybe type up some poems on it. Can’t wait!

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NaPoWriMo – The Day After

I suppose it is time to acknowledge the end of my first time participating in National Poetry Writing Month (NaPoWriMo)! I am SO HAPPY I decided to take this challenge on and write 30 poems in 30 days (I can’t believe I actually kept up with it!). I definitely had difficulty posting poems every day, especially when I felt they were really rough drafts. However, the challenge forced me not to overthink and overedit my poems, but rather just let the words be and open myself up more.  I have never written so regularly in my life, and perhaps because of that, for the first time I felt like a legit writer. I am forever grateful for all of the other writers I connected with over the course of this challenge. Although the daily prompts got me writing, the community kept me going. You all inspired me with your creativity and general awesomeness. Thank you so much for all the support, encouragement, and kind words!

Soo now I am not sure what to do next or what to write without prompts guiding me haha. I have a few loose ideas in my head on a series of poems I want to do, but nothing solid yet. What goals do you all have next for your writing? How will you stay inspired and accountable? What did you think of NaPoWriMo 2018?

For now, I figured I’d do a bit of a highlights reel, so here are my top five ‘most-liked’ poems from NaPoWriMo:

NaPoWriMo – Day 30 (Fascinating Fact) 

NaPoWriMo – Day 22 (Impossible)

NaPoWriMo – Day 7 (Identity) 

NaPoWriMo – Day 4 (Abstract)

NaPoWriMo – Day 1 (Shame)

I’d like to honorably mention these because I feel like the prompts got me most out of my comfort zone, which is fun:

NaPoWriMo – Day 29 (Plath)

NaPoWriMo – Day 19 (Erasure)

NaPoWriMo – Day 12 (Haibun)

NaPoWriMo – Day 6 (Line Breaks)

NaPoWriMo – Day 3 (List Poem)

Lastly, I want to highlight some of the blogs I followed during NaPoWriMo:

Rhyme and Reason

Ramblings of a Writer 

Madame Writer

Bartholomew Barker, Poet

Jo Christiane Ledakis

Toby’s Big Oul Blog 

Elizabeth Boquet

Poetkatie

Huyork

V.J. Knutson 

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NaPoWriMo – Day 30 (Fascinating Fact)

Today’s National Poetry Writing Month (NaPoWriMo) prompt is: Write a poem that engages with a strange and fascinating fact. 

I’m in denial that today is the last day of the NaPoWriMo challenge, so maybe tomorrow I will acknowledge that fact. For now, below is my poem about viruses. It draws from the fact that “eight percent of the human genome consists of viruses.” It’s also influenced by Gerald Callahan’s essay, Chimera.

Some of our DNA
are relics of viruses
from past infections
so scientists say.

Envelope viruses like the flu,
carry lipids, protein,
and the stuff of genes,
from the hosts they travel through.

I like to think,
this means:

After years of sharing a home,
and conceivably the flu,
I’ve collected pieces of you,
stored in my chromosomes and genome.

You are not lost, you see,
You make up parts of me, literally,
saved in my “immunological memory.”

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NaPoWriMo – Day 29 (Plath)

Today’s National Poetry Writing Month (NaPoWriMo) prompt is: We’d like to challenge you to write a poem based on the Plath Poetry Project’s calendar. Simply pick a poem from the calendar, and then write a poem that responds or engages with your chosen Plath poem in some way.

I chose April 2, 1962: “Little Fugue” from the calendar.

Black.
The shape
of bodies
in the
dark.

Black.
Boldness
of a
question
mark.

Black.
Fun nights
with friends
Mourning
how it
always
ends.

Black.
Creased skin
wearing
thin.

Black.
The line
counting
time.

Black.
Waiting
rooms of
empty
tombs.

Black.
Shadows
like crows
circling
life every
where.

Black.
The flame
deprived
air.

Black.
The fear,
I was
never
really
here.

Black.
The keys
I type
for release.

Black.
The words:
remember
me.

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NaPoWriMo – Day 28 (Postcard)

Today’s National Poetry Writing Month (NaPoWriMo) prompt is: We challenge you to draft a prose poem in the form/style of a postcard.

Busted out two responses for this prompt.

1.

I still feel the sting on my face where you tried to put me in my place. I lost my words against the hurt. I already knew, I’d leave you. What kind of man does all that he can to bring a woman down? I spent months crawling on your egg-shelled ground. What kind of woman loves this kind of man? I did all that I can to raise you up, with my love, but it’s not enough.

I’m stronger than you think. I’ve got a voice and I want to speak. By the time you get this letter, I will be somewhere better and the only eggs breaking are for the sunny-side up I’m making.

2.

When I get where I am going, I will say a little prayer, that you get there too.

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